Happy Birthday to me

 It's really OUR day, Mom, and I'm thinking of you and glad you had me. Childbirth is no small thing, and you know better than I do how hard it all can be. Stephen told me you'd lost two babies between having him and me, I can't even imagine how hard that must have been.

I don't feel my age, still clinging firmly to my "chronological" grown-up status as I just don't feel that different than I did 20 years ago. (40 years ago, yes, I was a different person then, but the core is still unchanged.)

Not much to say, just thinking about you and wanted to reach out. I'm thinking of sending R a birthday postcard in October, but via a friend in CA so that she won't even recognize the postmark. HA! we'll see. 

LYMY

XXXOOO

Hello, it's me

 Hi Mom,

Talk about a poor correspondent, it's been just shy of 10 years since I've written to you. My goodness, that's a REALLY long time.

Dad passed in 2016, so I know that the two of you have been enjoying being back together. He had a pretty good run for a few years after you'd left, and I know that he always felt your absence deeply.

Last year was pretty bumpy, I lost Liz to ALS literally days before M and I were flying to NC to visit. I didn't know how ill she was until earlier in the year, I wish I'd gotten to visit one more time. I did get to spend some time with her dear husband Brian, and visited with Cmdr. Kirchner, Anne, and her wonderful three daughters when I went for Liz's Celebration of Life. It was a delight, you'd have loved the mariachi band. Losing her was such an unexpected punch in the gut, I honestly still haven't recovered.

While I was in NC, Stephen passed. I guess you know he wasn't speaking to me for the last few years, he was upset with a tax thing and cut me off. Just what you'd warned us about, R divorced the family, and then you and dad passed, Stephen and I did pretty well for a number of years, and then he dumped me. If I didn't have the Readers I don't know what I'd do.

We lost Mark the day after Christmas last year, the cancer came back after so long. He did hospice at home, and Tris and Fran and I cared for him for his final days. He wasn't comfortable having any non-family members around him, so Tris and I traded off to make sure one of us was always there. Fran was incredible, I don't know how she managed at 89, but she was there for him all the way through. It was terrifying and also one of the most worthwhile things I've ever done, i couldn't NOT be there to help. Marion got here just before he was discharged from the hospital and was a huge comfort to him while he was still aware, and she stayed for several weeks so that we could all grieve and care for each other.

Speaking of your amazing granddaughter, she's getting her Masters in Social Work. School full-time and working almost full-time, I'm still in awe of her. She has a wonderful new cat named George who is giving her a lot of joy. She's been incredibly strong through all the COVID hell of the last few years, and has a good solid group of friends who are her family in WA. I know you're proud of her, she has our love of words and puzzles and is a warm, caring person who also happens to be an unstoppable force. She decides something and makes it work and is a balm to her mother's soul.

We're happy to be back in AZ, S and I, and we love our house and are enjoying keeping it in good condition, despite the costs of everything, which are heinous! Cas is in charge of home security here, we have tried to adopt a dog, but neither one worked out well and both went on to homes that were really well-suited to them. I miss Spot fiercely and would love a dog, but we don't need the upheaval in the family dynamic at this point. 

I left the medical field when we left WA. I'm happily working customer service (remotely) and am getting ready to step into an interim supervisor position. I still prefer to be responsible for just my own work, but it's a complex situation in which my company has been bought, and no one really wants to toss our team over to the other company's management folks just yet. We'll see how it goes, I have been assured I can step back if it doesn't work out.

That's a lot of updating, lots has happened, but I think I'll call it a night. I love you, mom, I still talk to you and think of you all the time. Saturdays with my orange Changing Hands coffee mug make me feel close to you, as do lilacs and daisies and stargazer lilies. I hear you and dad singing Thrivo and Lydia the Tattooed lady and feel you whenever I hear a Dixieland Band. Ballet and crossword puzzles and marshmallow peeps, too - a friend just shared that she likes them stale, too, that was a sweet thing to hear! Thanks for being my mom, I love you. LYMY XXXOOO 

Look Ma, it's 2013!

Kind of weird, but time keeps clicking along....

Let's see.......Dad is moving to Las Vegas to be near his ladyfriend and her pals--this is a good move. He found a geezerville (his words, you know) that he likes well enough, and the apt in SD will be up for sale soon. It's emptied out, and I will have the mirrors from the wall. He's giddy, and Stephen and I are so glad he's happy.

Your granddaughter just finished a Sondheim show (Into The Woods) at the Studio nearby. She's really loving acting and dancing. She's doing pretty well in school, and Mark and Fran and Seth are working hard to make sure that she finds the right college. I think that she's going to love college.

I'm so tired of my job. If I didn't have the boss I have and the pay and benefits, I'd bail. One of the staff lied to Mel today about something involving me, and I'm really hurt. Someone else told me that they thought they were sent to a mandatory training class because they weren't doing their job well--I sent them the info and thought I'd informed them, but obviously I hadn't.

I don't want to babysit anymore. Seth is right that I'd be good at telling people how to deal with people/situations, but only the ones who WANT to be told. Work is so crap right now--one person is probably leaving and there is a person who is the cause of that, but that's all a mess. We have to make some strategic shifts in the department and the staff will be up in arms about that.  We found out that there was a withholding of information that could be very problematic regarding computer systems...there are new processes that will freak out the whole place and I just don't want to deal with it at all any more.

I want time to explore my art. I want to be here at my house. I want to spend time with my old dog. I want to do those things that are meaningful to me. All the day-to-day work crap gets in the way of that, and then there's the family things on top of that. I have to work for the money and the benefits. ACK.

My dear husband is doing so well. He's still losing weight like crazy, just bought a few new clothes. He's working another start-up biz, but in the second fiddle slot which makes it a tiny bit simpler.

I'm going to eat a brownie and go to bed. I love you, mom. Wish I could call you up.

XXOO

April

Hi Mom,

Your granddaughter is tearing it up. She's got the role of Feste in 12th Night. You'd about burst to see her onstage spouting the Bard. She's channeling Tim big-time. Tomorrow, she leaves for a college tour with Tris. They're visiting Swarthmore, Bryn Mawr, Haverford, Oberlin, Kenyon, UC Santa Cruz and Mills. I simply cannot fathom that she is almost ready to go to college.

On top of that, she's directing a show for Drama Fest at school. She's got a cast of about 11 to wrangle, with dance and music in the show as well as acting. She's always been good at pushing people around when she needs to (and sometimes when she doesn't), and I think she'll be fine at it.

I'm knitting up a storm again. It sort of comes and goes with me. I should be blocking a shawl right now, but I know it's been a long time since I wrote, so I thought I'd just stop and take a minute.

Dad is really doing well. He's splitting time between Vegas and CA with Shirley. I am reinforcing what he already knows, that you'd want for him to be happy. He misses you terribly, though. That's as it should be. There's no reason that anyone's heart can't hold more than a single person at a time. I do wish he'd come here and see Marion before she floats away to school. I'd really like him to see her on stage, but I don't know if that will happen or not.

Haven't heard from da brudda in a while, but I haven't reached out, so that's on me, too.

Work is still work, I like it and I don't. I really don't want to do this any longer, but I'm really kind of in it for the health care coverage. I promised to support a family when I got one, and I really don't want to go back on my word. I just wish I could magically find something else that would pay and have the same or better benefits level. I'm too lazy to actually make it happen, so I guess everyone will just have to put up with my kvetching. Or not.

OK, no real news other than that of the amazing girlie. I love you, Mom. I'm holding onto the orange threads you left me--now I have orange clothes, an orange phone cover, and orange glasses. I'm glad you reintroduced me to this warm color before you left. It makes me think of you, and it makes me happy.
xxxooo
LYMY

Feliz cumpleanos, mama!

Dad told me that you left a note for him with the lyrics to this song written out, so I  thought I'd share it here. I know you love Mama Cass, and I know that this is the version of the song that you must have meant.

I'm wishing that you were here, and since that can't be, I'll say that I'm glad that it's your birthday and that you had the time with us that you did.

LYMY, Mom.

XXOO
kt

St. Paddy's Day

Hi Mom,

S and I have been married for 16 years today. Thanks for helping us to have the great party that we wanted. I'm sure it was very different from your wedding (though you never really talked much about it, and it took me FOREVER to see your wedding photo, but we had it just the way we wanted. You were a great help in the planning and helping us to be sure that Freddie Brown (remember "Consider It Done?") got it and made the day the wonderful celebration we intended.

I have a little something I've been rolling about in my head for some time, and I want to try to get it down for you today.

*
*

There's a bit of downtown that I pass on the bus each day, both on the way to work and at day's end. It takes up the entire block between 4th Ave & 5th Ave with Seneca and University streets acting as bookends on the north and south.

It's one enormous building that houses several different businesses, each of which seems to have been placed there specifically with my mom in mind.

The west side, seen in passing from my homeward bound bus, was the first to grab my eye. We start out with Shuckers, a seafood restaurant. I've no idea how the fare is, but I'll wager that they probably have something oceanic that would please herself. Next is a tiny patisserie, complete with wee table and ice cream parlor swirly wire chairs. The display cases are always empty, and the place is nearly always closed by the time I pass. Surely they'd have some macaroon or hazelnut delight to tempt her. Lux watch shop is next in line, and while I only recall seeing a Timex on her slender wrist, I did find lots of tiny ladies timepieces in Mom's jewelry box. Perhaps they do repairs?

There is a shop that sells all silver jewelry. Clutch, a handbag boutique with a window-full of kaleidoscopic bags and purses is the next shopportunity. Big totes, tiny evening bags all a-glitter and primary-colored leather bags with pockets and tassels and flaps abound.

Catch your breath, Luly Yang's designer showroom comes next. Robin's-egg blue is the color of her window box backings, and it seems to be the right foil for her creations, no matter their hue. She's had classic bridal wear, shimmery evening gowns, and sexy suits featured in these windows, and they all look right. She's also designed for the local "Dinner and a show" troupe, Teatro Zinzanni, and the costumes are occasionally in her shop; the monarch butterfly creation is amazing.

Turn the corner and head east and you're strolling by the main entry of the Fairmont Olympic Hotel. Presiding over this patch of downtown since 1924, it's the kind of classy place she'd love. Huge columns at the entry, a scrolling staircase-rail in a soft cream, and lots of windows to let in the rationed Seattle sunlight. It's what the old San Diego hotel was in it's heyday. Look to your left as you walk up the slight hill to see what Louis Vuitton has in his window--today it's a giant cupcake with a purse on top!

Hang a right and you'll pass the employee's entrance, a very busy bus stop, and you'll get a peek into the window of one of the hotel dining rooms. This is my view in the morning; lots of suits chatting over coffee and busily filling up plates from the silver-plattered buffet, bright chandeliers cheerfully attempting to cut the early morning gloom.

Last, but far from least, a right at the corner heads you west. This is the quiet side of the edifice. There is a door into the hotel and a shop display window. The single item on view sums up the fact that this building is all-around the right place for my mom. A name is written in wide, swooping calligraphy on the glass; Renee Bassetti". Encased within is a shirt. It's a confection of pink silk. I can't say for certain if Mom would wear it, but I know she'd stop in and see what this designer has to offer. It's just a classy-looking spot, and I know it'd suit her down to the ground.























Here ends our tour. It's an interesting piece of real estate, good from any approach. It's both wonderful and a little difficult to see it each day. I think I'd prefer to see it than not, but it makes me sad that I wasn't able to share it with my mom when she was here. I hope I've done a good enough job of sharing it with her now.



I love you, Mom.

random things I know about you

You married once. You converted to do that. Your sibling situation mirrored mine--youngest daughter with an older brother and sister. New York native. Lived all over after marrying Dad; Hawaii, North Carolina, Virginia, New York again, California, Illinois, Japan, Arizona. Got your Master's in Library Science when I was in high school (made me very proud). Drove a huge, multi-ton bookmobile and had lots of fun helping kids find books and bringing requests to far-flung patrons.

Were a mere slip of a thing; I doubt you were ever over 120 unless you were pregnant. Told me your best feature was your feet. Loved dance, all kinds, ballet especially. Learned to tap dance with Dad. Acted in community theatre productions and reveled in it. Read constantly, did the NY Times crosswords as well as acrostics, which make my brain hurt.

I used to tease that you were part crow because you so loved shiny things. Sparkly clothes, glittery jewelry. You loved to dress up. Did your own nails and I don't often recall seeing your toes unpolished. We were told not to speak to you in the morning until you'd had coffee and breakfast. (Smart advice) Once went to your dentist feigning an emergency and scared him to bits with fake fangs in place.

Cooked wonderful pot roasts. You often told me that Thanksgiving dinner was your favorite meal to cook; it took all day, but you loved eating it and having the leftovers. Other than that, I know you loved to eat out (Welcome Home Mom, what's for dinner?). Really enjoyed the SD apartment--decorating "The Hideaway". The wall of tiny mirrors--I love those.

I'll make more notes soon. Love you, miss you! XXOO